Editorial: Weather why’s

One day last week when it was 3 degrees in Amissville and zero in Harris Hollow, guess what the temperature was in Nome, Alaska. Thirty-three degrees! Yes, a downright balmy 33 degrees.

Say what? How can that be?

Even more counter-intuitive is the apparent cause for the unusual January weather covering the normally temperate Rappahannock landscape with the chilliest of cloaks:

Global warming!

The so-called Polar Vortex has historically circled tightly around the North Pole — thus its name. This January, however, disruptive air currents sent it deep into the American heartland, the South and East Coast. At the same time, on the other side of the North Pole, the vortex all but disappeared — making northern Europe hotter than usual.

Why the disruption? According to weather experts, the Arctic region has been warming much more quickly than the rest of the planet — witness the shrinking sea ice — so the vortex now spins erratically.

But for climate-change deniers, like the Flat Earthers before them, science is not to be trusted. For them, it’s apparently easier to believe that the bitter cold here is caused by aliens from outer space — top-secret information about which the federal government has but refuses to share.

Or maybe it’s just another conspiracy hatched by the Trilateral Commission, the same evil internationalists and interventionists who are said to have orchestrated 9/11?

Or, perhaps even more likely, the bitter cold recorded here recently in Virginia is simply divine retribution for our state attorney general’s refusal to defend traditional marriage? So, given the concomitant refusal of our board of supervisors to condemn the attorney general, we should expect pestilence and plagues in Rappahannock very soon.

Walter Nicklin